This past weekend the world of college football celebrated Rivalry Week. As a football fan, I can affirm that it delivered everything we hoped for—big plays, close finishes, high emotions, but also and unfortunately, some downright ugly moments. Here in Michigan, the big brawl on the field at the conclusion of the Michigan-Ohio State game made international headlines. As a transplant, I have no stake in that rivalry. But as a die-hard Texas Longhorn fan, I fully understand it. Played out on the gridiron, university rivalries offer us a chance to engage in some good-natured teasing and “trash talking.” I've certainly posted more than a few ribbings about Texas A&M and the University of Oklahoma on my own social media.
But there is a line—a very clear line—that stops at violence and unsportsmanlike conduct.
I spend a lot of time with our B’nai Mitzvah students and other participants in our Spinoza program talking about values. With so many of them involved in team competition of some kind, we usually devote some of that time discussing two key values that apply both in competitions and in life: sportsmanship and teamwork. I like to point out that rivalry, competition, and the passions that go along with them can be great motivators. But, I remind them, they can also cross the line into the kinds of behavior we saw this weekend, behavior that undermines the positive aspects of these values and more.
Those two values—sportsmanship and teamwork—are deeply intertwined, but they also have complexities worth examining. Maybe you've heard the recent hit song I Had Some Help. This crossover collaboration between Post Malone and Morgan Wallen has become a cultural phenomenon, topping all the charts. The song laments a break-up in which the singer admits his own part in a relationship disaster while also pointing the finger the other way:
I had some help
It ain't like I can make this kinda mess all by myself
Don't act like you ain't help me pull that bottle off the shelf
Been deep in every weekend if you couldn't tell
They say teamwork makes the dream work
Hell, I had some help
These lyrics provide a cheeky reminder that teamwork doesn’t always lead to the dream. Sometimes our teamwork arises from peer pressures or other societal forces that pull us together—but toward destructive ends. We praise teamwork when it unites us to achieve something good. But we need to acknowledge its dark side, too, such as when society fractures into “teams” that encourage the worst in their members, much like those football teams did this past weekend.
Which brings me back to sportsmanship. Teams are important. Rivalries are important. Differences are important. But so is civility. Sportsmanship—the ability to respect others, even in competition—is vital. And if we need civility in sports, how much more do we need it when the stakes are higher, when we’re not arguing over touchdowns but over the future of our country?
Many of us are disappointed by the results of the election, myself included. But the reactions we choose now matter. Whatever the “other team” does—whether it’s Michigan planting their flag on Ohio State’s field or political opponents celebrating a victory by gloating—we have an obligation to rise above. Michigan was wrong to provoke their rivals in that way. But Ohio State’s response—to brawl instead of just walking away—was just as wrong. A better response would have been heading back to their locker room, reflecting on why they have now lost four in a row to Michigan, and working on what they can do about that.
For those disappointed by the election results, the same applies. Yes, there are those on the other side who have engaged in massive incivility, but just because they helped "pull that bottle off the shelf" does not require us to drink from it. Is there not enough blame within the Democratic Party and its leadership to justify years of soul-searching and reconsideration? Just as athletes study the tape to improve, those who lost the election need to examine the choices that led to this moment.
The stakes are simply too high to keep living like a nation of brawling football players. Among those stakes are not just policies but the very way we attempt to promote them. Will we be remembered for doing so civilly or for our hostility? Will we make progress as a team, or will we tear each other—and consequently our nation—apart from within?
As I tell the kids I teach, it’s not just about the game—it’s about how we play it. Win or lose, civility matters. The dream of a better future isn’t achieved by trash-talking or throwing punches. It’s built by learning from our mistakes, respecting others, and working toward something greater than ourselves.
Just like in sports, we need to hold ourselves to higher standards. The world is watching, and history will remember how we acted, not just what we tried to achieve. Let’s make sure that, whatever team we’re on, we behave in a way that is worthy of the future we want to create.